One hears of many instances of parent and adult offspring conflict, resulting mostly from unrelenting egos, especially on the part of the children who are blind to the needs of their ageing and often lonely parents, especially when there is just one surviving parent.
The late M.V. Kamath, renowned Indian journalist, has quoted that of the cases of mistreatment of dependent parents, 39% of the time the daughter-in-law is to blame, followed closely by the son himself, being 38%. That is appalling. The misery and helplessness that old parents living with their adult child may experience, especially where they are financially dependent on them, is heartrending. It is very disturbing and a sorry commentary on the human race.
What is it after all that can cause a person to mistreat or allow mistreatment of his own parents? Can it be sheer ignorance of the fact? Is it possible that a son, even for a long period, continues to be unaware that his parents are being harshly treated behind his back by their daughter-in-law? Or is it simply convenient to feign such ignorance? And why? For the apprehension of being deprived life’s pleasures by an annoyed spouse? That is shameful embodiment of cowardice.
Another reason could be that the son feels he wasn’t treated well by his parents during his childhood and now it is time for retribution.
It is also stated that about 16% of parents are beaten mercilessly by their own children – and in several cases, repeatedly, even daily.
Whatever be the reason, such criminal cruelty can never have any kind of justification. The son who claims he was never aware of the sufferings of his parents, has to be one hell of a moron. The supposedly ‘ignorant’ son is guilty of neglect of his parents’ needs and wellbeing. The man who, for indulgence in the pleasures of the flesh, chooses to not stand up for his parents for fear of upsetting his spouse, is in for one of life’s rudest shocks.
Physical pleasures don’t take long to come to an end. As soon as his robust youthfulness begins to subside it will dawn on him how wrong he has been. It is inhumane, and also the sign of an unsound, unevolved mind, and an unforgivable crime. Then his guilt will make him miserable for the rest of his life. It is better to understand that providing honorable care to our ageing parents is not a choice we are free to make, while deciding our life choices.
In fact, it is a very assuring feeling for visitors to our homes and those joining the family to witness respectful treatment of elders in the household. It cements the fact that the family environment is healthy and that humane values are sacrosanct.
Individuals who believe they have the right to retribution should bear in mind that even if their parents had overdone the disciplining part, it was done when they were much younger, when their wisdom and maturity levels were still evolving. For all one knows, they might even have immediately regretted their ‘actions’. How nice it would be for the son to demonstrate greater maturity by forgiving them.
These guys may now have children of their own who test their patience, like they had done when their parents were their present age. Do these sons always succeed in keeping their cool, as parents? Do they never punish their own kids, which may include something physical?
There. That is a living proof of this situation.
Forgiveness is a virtuous, and rewarding, way to address such situations, and it could have manifold positive results. Firstly, the acrimony will disappear, thereby ameliorating the suffering of all involved. Also, there will dawn a peace of mind that is more fulfilling than anything else. Just this little compassion and maturity turns the situation around for the better, for always.
My heartiest congratulations to all those people who are, or were, able to make the winter of their parents’ lives happy and joyful. They have created a serenity in their lives which will extend far beyond their lifetime.
For those who could do better, I pray for their wisdom, and their parents’ relief, and strongly recommend that they make the effort. Among many benefits, they would be setting the right example for their own children to emulate.
And this is what makes it a golden investment. One that is more enriching than any other.